i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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