she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
