Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
