Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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