We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
