Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
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Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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