I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
