my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
