Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
