i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
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Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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