Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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