i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
