What did we do last night that was yellow?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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