The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
