Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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