is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
