dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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