Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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