You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
