he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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