Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
