In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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