I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"