Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.