just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."