I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in