The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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