Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
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I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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