i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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