stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize