he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
