Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
