all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Semen is not good for contacts.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
