I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
