Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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