I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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