Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize