i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
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Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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My lighter is stuck in my beard.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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