We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
