Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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