oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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