I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
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I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
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His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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