but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
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creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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