The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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