I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30