Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
there was a trapeze. enough said
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.