I'm fucking your sister right now.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?