Texts From Last Night

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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.

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  (504): Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea. http://tfl.nu/a9pb
  Replies (51) Good night (1125) Bad night (11368)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  explains the nose bleeds.

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  (901): I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose. (1-901): explains the nose bleeds. http://tfl.nu/i1j5
  Replies (3) Good night (668) Bad night (3554) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.

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  (717): Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something. http://tfl.nu/o9mn
  Replies (11) Good night (3542) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck

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  (503): The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck http://tfl.nu/nvzw
  Replies (20) Good night (6177) Bad night (1309) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy

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  (571): i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy http://tfl.nu/ffaz
  Replies (13) Good night (734) Bad night (1466)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?

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  (613): On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it? http://tfl.nu/27yi
  Replies (5) Good night (1278) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING

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  (780): let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING http://tfl.nu/vf6d
  Replies (7) Good night (1908) Bad night (510)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.

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  (845): Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible. http://tfl.nu/r0ag
  Replies (6) Good night (746) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?

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  (617): How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity? http://tfl.nu/1m4t
  Replies (7) Good night (1813) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I don't even know what to say right now

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  (773): I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away. (847): I don't even know what to say right now http://tfl.nu/f47i
  Replies (6) Good night (986) Bad night (403)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.

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  (229): It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night. http://tfl.nu/etjs
  Replies (3) Good night (1200) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...

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  (206): I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him... http://tfl.nu/o74a
  Replies (6) Good night (758) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.

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  (416): Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights. http://tfl.nu/9jzc
  Replies (6) Good night (1038) Bad night (338)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?

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  (423): Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina? http://tfl.nu/kprk
  Replies (5) Good night (870) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.

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  (612): Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey. http://tfl.nu/j7hl
  Replies (7) Good night (292) Bad night (550)

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