god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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