I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Fuck appropriateness.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's shark week go big or go home
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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