My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize