i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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