Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
