well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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