Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
