Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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